How about a few chapters....1 of 2

even though I keep saying that "I should write a book."

Friends, Family, & Team Whitaker worldwide....it has been awhile.  I apologize for the nearly 4 month delay in blog posts from me.  As many of you well know, we have had alot on our plate....but I have been filing away some thoughts for awhile now and I just can't justify not putting them "to paper" so to speak.

Honestly gang.....this blog kind of took on a life of its own due to all your support and interest in Mitchell's life, legacy, and the continued story of our family.  We are forever grateful.  Pull up a chair - cup of coffee - reading glasses.....whatever else you need.....this is gonna be a pretty long post :)

We were so happy with the turnout of folks that ran with GoMitchGo at the OKC Memorial marathon.  We even had Seth Carley blaze to a top 10 finish from over 10,000 runners in the half marathon.  This is going to be an annual event and we would love to have hundreds of people wearing our colors next year.  You know.....we all have our "story" in life....and I just continue to be amazed at how closely woven together we all are.....even when we are unaware.  The Master has His hand spread all throughout His creation.  

These thoughts were going through my mind as I ran North up Lincoln....right past OU Medical Center....where I had made far too many trips.  I remember driving out of that hospital parking lot at 345 am on September 27, 2007....after watching my son pass away right in front of me......trying to console my wife....and swearing that I would never drive down this road again.  Well....not this time 13th street....I am running past you now....with lungs filled.....heart aflame.....carrying a legacy of life......that was meant for greater things than could be contained on the 11th floor.  I have never been at greater peace in my life....than inside that building.  My Father had is arms around me and my son during those dark days.  I say a prayer for those at OU Medical Center.....and press on.  Go Mitch Go.

I can't pretend to speak for other folks....but for me....I will never get past not having Mitchell around.  I guess the best way to describe losing your best friend and only son is that......it is always there....it always hurts.....but the number of days in which it is unbearable....stretch out as time goes by.  I don't ever want the pain to dull.....but I wish I never had the pain....which creates a special kind of hellish equation that is impossible to solve on some days.

I still know the exact height that Mitchell hits me when we hug.  I can feel the shape of his head on my fingertips...I know every curve of his neck.....collarbone....shoulders.  I still know the things that he would laugh at....the music that he would like....and I am keenly aware that I have not played a game on "our" Xbox 360 since he passed away.  

May is baseball....plain and simple.  I understand.  I can play it.  I can coach it.  I love it.  Everything makes sense between the chaulk.  It is the greatest time of the year and the hardest time of the year for me.

May 14 was a great day.  The Lord blessed me with a great dream.  Mitchell was in it....and I could actually feel the hug that we gave on another.  I know that there has to be some metaphor/symbolism in dreams.....so the fact that I am fighting through a crowd to get to Mitchell in this dream is pretty much standard formula.....but what made it so special.....is that once I got to him......we both just smiled in our long embrace as Mitchell plainly said:  "It's alright Dad.....it is all good.  I'm all good."  I awoke with a start....my heart racing.....and torn between genuine thankfulness for the blessing and heartache.  Such is the road I travel.....

May 15 is a special day...but didn't start out that way.  Mitch would have been 13....and quite frankly....I didn't want to see / talk / hear from anybody.  I just wanted to shut the door on the world.....which continues to move along.....wth me as a prisoner.....while my son is frozen at 10.  

Closing the world off wasn't an option today....because OU Baseball and Power Roofing were having the 2nd Annual LLS Awareness Day in Mitchell's honor.  Mitch's relationship with OU Baseball has been well documented on this blog....but honestly...I thought maybe that it was starting to wane.  Outside of the coaching staff and 2 seniors.....none of these kids were really around whenever Mitch was alive and running around at OU Baseball camp. We thought it would be a good idea to bring some of our "keep fighting" bands to the team.....just to keep Mitch's memory alive.....even if only for this day.

We arrived at the park....took some cookies and the reminder bands to the locker room while the team was taking BP.  I head up the tunnel to visit with the coaching staff.....whom have become good friends of our entire family.  I visit with Coach Golloway and start to pick his brain about "how" this team lost the game the previous night.  We have similar thoughts about some choice words that need to be said to address the problem of "taking things for granted".  Coach Whitaker is happy to give a pre - game talk in left field......while choking back emotion....and looking at bunch of young mens faces that could very well be Mitchell.....in 6 years.....IF he were still with us.

I lock eyes with every one of them (looking up at most of them) and proceed to bring the gospel about the privilege of health, the privilege of baseball, the privilege of brotherhood / team mates, and the absolute necessity to never take time for granted.  None of us is guaranteed another second....and they have a jersey with my sons name on it in their locker room as a testament to that fact.  I encourage them that they can best honor my NAME and my SON.....by taking every single practice, every pitch, and every second that the uniform is on their back......to display every ounce of talent that they have been given.   I share the "keep fighting" story....not to cheapen it.....but to illustrate my point.  The message resonates and the story continues.......(more on that later)

OKC in the rearview mirror

All the boxes are packed.  We just have one last stop to make.....out to Mitchell's gravesite.  I have never been one to be too sentimental about death.....especially the death of those saints that you KNOW reside in Heaven.  In all honesty, Mitchell has never been better.....he doesn't miss me at all (eternity = no concept of time).....and last time I checked...Heaven is supposed to be pretty good.  His marker is gorgeous....but it holds nothing special for me other than a spot to quietly remember his life.  Mitch's body matters not.....the marker matters not.....however.....leaving the history, the support system, the school, the church, and the known......is a bigger pill to swallow.  

I will always love Oklahoma....but my heart is in Austin, Texas.  It suits me just fine.....and we are ready to start this new chapter of our lives.

June / July / August coming up tomorrow night.......